Afraid of Greatness

"Your not Qualified"
"You have no experience"
"Your too old"
"Your not smart enough"
"It's too late for you"

I have said the above phrases and many more stopping myself from greatness, sadly I have told myself so many of these things that I have started to believe them. Even, as I type this blog in the back of my mind I'm thinking no one going to read this. See, I have set myself up for failure with my own thoughts. Well guess what? That ends today.

I think it all started my senior year of high school, I was a Honor Roll student, Drill team Captain for two years, Highest Ranking Female in ROTC, overall a pretty social and happy teenager; except one thing, I couldn’t pass the math portion of the TAAS test (the standardized exit exam in the 90's). I tried and tried and I always came up short by a point or two. As a result I kind of just coasted through my senior year. I didn’t go to many parties or a lot of senior events because I just felt like it would be waste of time. Luckily, there were two teachers who were determined to see me graduate on time with my class, my drill team sponsor Ms. Cheryl Allen and Mr. E. King. These two came up with a schedule and plan that consist of me studying with Mr. King in his freshmen algebra class and Ms. Allen would help me out with any assignments he provided for the week. Lets, just say this combo along with my family helped me achieve greatness and I’m forever grateful. However, even after passing that truly unnecessary standardized test and graduating on time with my class, somewhere deep down fear decided to take up residence in me and rear its ugly head from time to time.

You name it , I've done it. I talked myself out going off to college to pursue my dream of studying dance and voice because I didn't think I as smart enough (I did go to community college received an wonderful education), taking a job out-of-state cause I would be alone, trying out to be Dallas Mavericks Cheerleaders (my poor Cledus really wanted me to try-out too...) and the list goes on. What's really funny is that I always try my best to encourage others to pursue their dreams.

Here's one example: Two years ago my husband's daughter had just graduated with her bachelors in Human Resources. She had applied for grad school but had to way the option of staying close to home or relocating. She sat in the backseat off the car after dinner one day and literally gave us every excuse she could think of as into why she couldn't relocate for school. I stopped her and gave her a 20 min speech on what she was going to do. Once, I finished I laughed out loud and said; "where was this chick when I was younger?" Honestly, I had to grow into her.

See even though I didn't fulfill a few of my original dreams I still didn't have a shabby life. I worked for three major multi-million dollar companies, were I thrived in every position I was promoted to. Now, I contract my services out as a Group Fitness Instructor; so I guess you can say life kind of came full circle for me. I get to up everyday and do something that I love. I get to dance every single day and I wouldn't change it for the world. Yes, there are still a few of my childhood dreams that I would like to try and fulfill; and since there nothing holding  me back (other than my hubby and my lil man; just kidding) I think I will be placing them on my vision board to be accomplished in the very near future.

So the next time you feel like "I cant do it", "no one will support my dreams", "I’m getting too old". Get up walk to the nearest mirror , look yourself in mirror and say. "I am made for greatness from greatness; and I will not be afraid to be Great!"

Exquisite Mommy

"Bad Mother?"

Everyday I pray and ask God to help me to be a better mother and wife especially, a good mother. Now let's get something straight I love my child with all my heart, I would lay down my life for him in a heartbeat. His father and I really try our best to teach him all he needs to know to be a good little boy, but it always feels like when I take three steps forward with him and by the end of the week I've taken 10 steps back, which is very depressing at times.

When it comes to disciplining him I'm pretty old school, I whole heartly believe in Proverbs 23: 13-14 (read it you'll understand ) , I do try to refrain from spanking him because it really makes me feel some type of way after I have to do it; however, I figure I will discipline him now before the police try to use their discipline tactics on him later in life. (I'm just saysing)

Here are some of the reasons I feel I'm a Bad Mother:
I have no patience whatsoever (honestly, I have no pateince for some adults , lol)
I talk to him like he's a grown man and not a toddler (I don't curse at him)
I get up set when he acts as if he's not understand what I asking of him
Sometimes, I think his thinks his mommy doesn't love him, which couldnt be further from the truth.

A lot of days I wish that I could get a do over, I wish that I could get it right with him, yes there are even days were I question God in why he gave my little love to me. But then something magical happens... My little love calls my name (mommy) in his sweet  deep voice and says "Mommy!! Your the best mommy in the world" or when we're doing school work he remembers what we went over two weeks before, or he gets ready for bed and he says " Mommy I need to say my prays, Our Father in Heaven". At these moments I remember that not all my work has been in vain.

No!!! I dont always get it right, yes there are days that I feel like Im figthing a losing battle with him, there are even days when I want to give up. Then , I get still and think about one September day in 2011 when I was only few weeks pregnant. I was throwing up everything under sun , it was so bad my thorat burned from vomiting and the only comfort I received was from lying on the cool bathroom floor. My husband had come in from work and find me lying there crying, he picked me up and put in the bed and asked if I needed to go the hospital. I told him no but in reality I felt like I was knocking on deaths door. As I tried my best to get it together I remember looking up at him and saying , " I cant lose this baby". My husband looked at me and asssured me that we wouldnt lose our child. Honestly, I would have beleived the Snowman had he said the same thing, but it was the way he said it ; as if he had talked to God and been giving confirmation beofre that day every happen. I honestly dont know, but I know that though if feels like its too much for me to handle, I promised God that I would do everything in my power to make sure he was raised as God fearing man, with morals and values; someone that when others see him they see God's light shining through him. 

So this goes out to the parents, who feel like giving up, you feel like they are just not getting it and if something doesn't give your going to pull all your hair out. Remember this few scriptures:

Proverbs 22:6KJV "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it"

Proverbs 23: 13-14 NLT " Dont fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won't kill them. Physical discipline may well save them from death" (DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DONT USE YOUR BARE HANDS TO STRIKE YOUR CHILD, YOUR HANDS ARE FOR LOVING THEM; ALSO, IF YOU ARE LEAVING BRUSIES, SCARS, CAUSING BROKEN BONES TO OCCUR YOU ARE NOT DISCIPLING THEM YOU ARE ABUSING THEM. SPANKING SHOULD OCCUR AS THE LAST RESORT; ALSO DO NOT SPANK YOUR CHILD WHILE YOUR ANGRY FOR THIS IS CALLED ABUSE)

So parents don't give up, continue to do everything in your power to ensure your children become their best selves they can be.

Exquisite Mommy

All we need is Love

1Corinthians 13 vs.4-7 NLT

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Love who Love... Be kind to others... Live with No Regrets...

God Loves You and so do I ❤

We will never overcome

Every week and or month since 2012 there has been a news report about a young black male or African American's in general being killed. The day George Zimmerman was acquitted for killing Trayvon Martin case, I cired. I cried as if Trayvon was my child my heart hurt for his parents; for they had to try and go on with the rest of their lives knowing that there wouldn't be justice for their son. Why Lord ?

A few weeks ago young black and white children were trying to come together to have a good time at a swim party. But that was an Epic Fail because a few ignorant adults felt that there were too many black faces in their community. Yet, to my understanding a lot of the black youth attending the swim party lived in that very community however, they were too BLACK to swim in the community pool. As result young black children were slapped, handcuffed, and manhandled like cattle. Well wait "they" treat cattle better than they treated those poor childern. Now let me say something, I did not like seeing a few of the black young ladies talk back to the officers. If an authority figure (POLICE OFFICER) has asked , requested or even demanded that you walk away and go home; please do so because you have been just given an out. Now what truly broke my heart was seeing the fear and confusion on the young black boys faces as "SUPERCOP" yelled and cursed at them. Once again all I saw was my son being frighten & fearing for his life. Now, by the grace of God no one died doing this event due to the quick thinking of "SUPERCOPS" co-workers , but you better belive lives were changed on that day.

Now just a few days ago I wake up to all news outlets reporting of a Mass shooting at a historically black church in Charleston, South Carolina . Seriously, when I first heard the report it made me sick to my stomach only a cold blooded killer could walk in a church, ask for the pastor, sit for a hour during their bible study and pray service, then open fire on a sanctuary full of worshiper's. Two things hurt me to the core about this, first this person put it in his head that it was his duty to kill all the blacks becasue their raping their (white) women and trying to take over the country. Secondly, he chose to do this evil, sick and unthinkable act at a church. A safe place for the weak and weary, a safe haven for the hurt and lost, a safeplace for those who need peace courage and understanding. He took a sacred place and made it a crime scene. Then, once captured and confessing to the authorities his actions he states "I almost didn't go through with it, because everyone was so nice" You Evil Coward !!!!!!! God was giving you an out! But you chose to do evil you chose to take Innocent lives, so guess what only God himself can and will have mercy on your soul. I pray you are convicted swiftly and given the punishment you so rightly deserve.

I know deep in my heart that it's going to get worse before it gets better. I wish I could live in a world were I was judged by the content of my character and not the color of my skin, but I really dont see that coming anytime soon. All I can do is try my best to live right, teach my child how to be a good person and to treat everybody right. We have got to learn how to live together, no race is better than the other. Killing people just because of the color of their skin is ignorant and wrong. We have got to learn how to co-exisit with each other before God comes and wipes us all out.

May God be with us all as we try to be a better people.

Many Blessings,
The Exquisite Mommy

"Mommy I need pray"

Saturday morning after teaching my morning Zumba class, tending to my little loves every need and finally showering; my little one annouces to me as we're getting ready to leave the house again "mommy I need pray!"

I looked back at him and in a very sarcasted tone said you sure do, but as I did this I notice the look on his little face; he really wanted to pray. So I soften my tone and said ok let's pray. He started with "Our Father in Heaven , hallowed be thy name."  I then chimmed in and helped him finsih the rest of his pray.

After we finished praying he thanked me and then starting singing as he always does on our roadtrips. As I quickly looked back at him and smiled two thoughts popped into my head. 1. Wow hubby and I must be doing something right. 2. I wish I was more like my son when asking for pray.

I've only come cross one other person my son's drop everything and lets pray spirit, and I'm glad I get to call them my friend. I think when your a child life is so easy and asking for what you want or need just comes easy. However, when we become adults I think a lot of us lose our abilty to ask for help and little bit of prayer. Don't you know that pray fixes everything.

I was always taugth " take it to God before you taking anywhere else". I know a lot people think " I don't know how to pray", or "I don't  know what to say" but guess what, God already knows what's on your heart, what you need and what you want. So stop thinking that you have to be this eloquent wordsmith in order to speak to him. He will listen to you were ever you are; he just wants to hear from you.  So the next time there is something weighing on your heart, stop and have a little talk with Jesus.

The Lord's Prayer:

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as
we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us
from evil: For thine is the kingdoem, and the power, and the glory, for
ever Amen.
Matthew 6:9-13 KJV

Friends

Friends- 1. To act as the friend of : befriend. 2. to include (someone) in a list of designated friends on a person's social networking site. Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Some many of us thrive on the fact that we have a gang of friends, but let's be honest how many of your so called "friends" are really your friends.

To be a friend is a mini part-time job, no really it is. You have to be physically, emotionally, mentally and sometimes spritually invested. Now if this is somethng you dont think you can handle or can do please dont put yourself in the position to be called anyones friend. Before you know it you will be labled as never there, a runner, heartless, you get my drift.

I will admit at times I do not think Im a really good friend. I dont call my friends all the time, I dont see them on a weekly or even monthly basis. I can even be very mean and distant to them if they catch on the wrong day; but my friends can never say I dont love them.

See God puts certain people in your life; some for a reason and some for a season. I also believe he designates each of us to have our own "Person or Persons".
These people love us unonditionally, they correct us when we're wrong, they make us angry, they make us happy and they make us sad but their our person. Friendship with these people may have started magaically and sometimes they start with dislike and even hate. Then something happens that neither one of you can explain but the bond you have is unwritten and unbroken.

Proverbs 18 has several verses that speak on friendship: (I recommend reading all of the Proverbs if you havent, it's very enightening)

Vs. 1 Unfriendly people care only about themselves; they lash out at common sense. NLT {Seriously, please dont be this person}

Vs. 19 An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars. NLT {I know it can be hard and dang near impossible to admit when your wrong or you have wronged your friend, you have to dig deep withnin  to admit that your wrong and savage your relationship. Dont ever let petty or ignorance ruin your friendship. Sometimes being right isn't worth losing a friend especailly a "GOOD" Friend.}

Vs. 24 There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. NIV {In other words there are friends that will bail you out of jail and there are friends that will be sitting next to you in jail. LOL!} PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING THAT'S GOING  TO SEND YOU TO JAIL!!!

Having friends can be wonderful even beautiful, but you have to step out of your selfish corner in order to be a good friend. If there's a freind even a love one that you haven't talked to or even seen for whatever reason; I would like you to do something:

1. Stop what your doing and have a heart to heart with God first, ask him to forgive you and to provide you with the words and the wisdom to ask your friend for forgiveness.

2. Do not text or e-mail them. You must either pick up a phone and call them or write them a handwritten letter, which ever you choose to do ; do it from the heart.

3. Finally forgive yourself. You can not move forward if your harboring pain and guilt. Like the song from Frozen says " Let it Go!, Let it Go!"

Whatever, you do never let go of your God assigned "Person", until next time.

Blessing,
Exquisite Mommy

Exquisite Mommy http://exquisitetxmommy.blogspot.com/

The Cross

Several weeks ago I was driving with my mom and my son. As we trekked along we started to approach an hospital. Now, my son hasn't been to large hospital other than being born in one. As we get closer to the hospital,  he points to the cross on top of the hospital and shouts; "Church!"  I politely corrected him saying , No, honey that's a hospital. He then responds "no Jesus heals the sick there." I immediately told him that he was right then looked over at my mom, we both had a look of amazement  on our faces.

We as adult sometimes forget to see the BIG picture. See my son is only two years old but he has enough sense to know that when your sick Jesus can fix it. Mark 1:34 NLT  tells us "So Jesus healed many people who were sick with various diseases, and he cast out many demons. But because the demons knew who he was he did not allow them to speak. See Jesus knows just what we need, how we need it & when we need it. The cross symbolized Jesus for my son, he knew when he saw it that healing was taking place somewhere. It's funny but we should view the house of the Lord the same way. It's not just a place of worship and fellowship ; we should view it as a place of spritual, physical, mental and emotional renewal.

We can fool oursselves thinking we can do it own our own , but when its all said and done; we need the Father in every aspect of your lives.

So the next time your spending time with your favorite little person, try and listen to them; they may just amaze you.

Called Out

Every now and again those of us with good hearts and good intentions, do things we shouldn't be doing; causing alarm to those close to us.
I will admit after I got married in 2011 and had my son in 2012 I immediately went M.I.A. I was depressed, scared, nervous, angry, happy and overjoyed all in the same breath.
I went into hiding from everyone and everything. The only people who saw me were my parents , my grandfather, and my husband and son. I even stop going to church,
yes I said it ; this happy christian stop going to church.

No, I wasn't worried about people seeing the baby weight I had lost and gained back however, in my mind I need a break. So I used my child as a excuse not to get up and go to church. Though some of my excuses were valid and still are in regards to him I ran with it and never looked back.

Then a unusal situation caused me to reach out to one of my spirtiual advisors. Though at the time I was looking out for someone else's well being, they felt the need to check on me ; so much so they called me out. Now, Ive been called out in the past for things I've done or said , and in the past I have lit into people like christmas trees and put them in their place. This time was different though it was very unexpected I think God knew that I was mature enough and ready to hear the truth.

In this persons eyes what I was doing made me look and seem ungrateful for everything God had done for me and brought me through. No christian every wants to be told that they seem ungrateful, especially when in comes to God. Now, let me be honest with you God had already placed on my heart that I needed to get back in church but I guess I just needed a little fire lit up under my behind (sometimes we need this). As I read my spirtiual advisors concerns this scripture popped in my head, " For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23 KJV I knew in my heart that they were right and I needed to get my act together ASAP. Im grateful that my spiritual advisor love me enough to call me out on what I was doing, had they not I probably would be doing the same foolishness I had been doing the past two years.

So remember your going to sin YOUR HUMAN, but dont let your sin(s) stop you from looking to the One True God for Love and Guidance. Remember God loves us inspite of what we say and do. Keep the faith and keep pressing forward.

Blessings,
The Exqusitie Mommy

Qualified...

Every now again I wonder if God made a mistake when he made me a wife and a mother. Everytime, I get the same answer, NO. One of my greatest  fears in life is failing, failing my husband, my kiddo , God etc; but I'm reminded everyday without failures success wouldn't exist.

So when God decided to change my life drastically; from a happy independent single woman to being a wife and mother, well I was petrified. I didn't think I was equipped to do or be either of those  things. Each day it was something  and each  day God kept whispering to me "you did it" , "see that wasn't so bad".

Now please know I'm still trying to figure it out, but on those days were I feel inadequate I just think back to God's word " It is not that we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5 NIV.

So, if your reading this thinking "I'm  not going to make it" , "I don't know what I'm doing". Just stop, take a deep breath & remember God has already qualified you to do the job.

Blessings,
The Exquisite Mommy